For a time, it was common to see wedding announcements making the accolade that two people who had been best friends were getting married. Social media added to the mirage of a perfect life through pictures and stories, often mirroring the sentiment that husbands and wives lived in perfect harmony while camping, hiking, and boating.
I'm not sure how many people have ever truly gone from sleeping in a luxurious queen bed to lying on the ground, enduring the sounds of nature. It is not an easy transition, and lack of sleep tends to remove harmony in any life.
I never liked the saying, to which Linda (I think) felt offended. I tried to explain my feelings to her, but I think I insulted her more than I helped due to my poor communication skills. It always seemed that calling a spouse your best friend cheapened the relationship.
That was, at least, until I read the Letters of Marcus Tullius Cicero - On Friendship. Cicero, considered the greatest of Roman orators, was born on January 3, 106 B.C. Born of privilege, Cicero received extensive education; however, it becomes evident through his letters that Cicero sought wisdom and understanding even from an early age, committing to memory many points from discussions he overheard and later recording them in books and letters for his purposes.
On one such occasion, Cicero was present when Scaevola delivered a discourse on friendship a few days after Africanus's death. Memorizing the main points of the discussion, Cicero recorded them in a letter to his friends. He uses Scaevola's discourse in first person form to avoid the constant "he said" or "I said," which allows the narrative to flow more freely.
The letter is lengthy, and I was pleasantly surprised to be able to follow the text relatively well, given the (2,000) years between Cicero's and myself. He elaborates on the many points of friendship and establishes a few rules regarding the behavior one should observe toward friends. I mention this so that anyone might recognize the depth to which Cicero understands the topic and that I am only listing a few short sentences that held special meaning to me regarding the situation in which I might consider Linda my best friend.
"To begin with," Cicero states, "How can life be worth living... which lacks that repose which is to be found in the mutual good will of a friend?"
"What can be more delightful than to have someone to whom you can say everything with the same absolute confidence as to yourself?"
"Is not prosperity robbed of half its value if you have no one to share your joy?"
"On the other hand, misfortunes would be hard to bear if there were not someone to feel them even more acutely than yourself."(1)
Perhaps my lack of a classical education prevented me from recognizing or understanding the depth of a friendship within marriage bounds; however, in later sections, Cicero discusses how difficult and rare it is for a friendship to last. Given the number of divorces between best friends, I'll support my original analysis. Marriage is more. Cicero's three points of sharing, joy, and misfortune will strengthen it beyond measure if found in a marriage. Still, I also suspect that significant barriers and heartache await the once-happy couple if a marriage dissolves toward mere friendship.
Written January 4, 2025.
Grammarly provided editorial assistance.
Thanks for reading!
References
(1) The Complete Harvard Classics 2021 Edition - ALL 71 Volumes: The Five Foot Shelf & The Shelf of Fiction. Volume 9 Letters of Marcus Tullius Cicero. Redhouse. Kindle Edition. Location 70419.